Moving to a New School or Going from Middle School to High School Can Pose Challenges for Teens (and their Parents)

Many of us still have vivid memories from our middle school and high school days – getting lost, being late or not being able to remember that locker combination no matter how hard we tried.

Most kids headed to a new school have all these worries, and more. These times of transition pose many new challenges – from the worries of being the first or the last to develop, to finding a new group of friends to sit with at lunch.

Maria G. Aramburu de la Guardia, MD, also known as Dr. Maria, is an adolescent medicine specialist with Lehigh Valley Reilly Children’s Hospital. She specializes in adolescent medicine and adolescent mental health.

“The best way to support your teen during these transitions is by talking, and more importantly – listening,” Dr. Maria says. “These are normal transitions. Try to be present, but not overbearing. Listen more than you lecture and validate your child’s feelings whenever you can.”

For many teens, high school is full of transformative growth and sweeping changes, along with countless first times. Today, there are additional layers like smart phones and social media, which can contribute to teens comparing themselves to others and adding stress.

Thankfully, there are strategies parents, kids and caregivers can use to help these transitions go as smooth as possible.

It’s important to remember your teen’s body and brain are going through major developmental phases. Rapid physical changes, along with hormone changes, can affect everything from sleep to their emotions.

“Despite how it might feel at times, your child doesn’t mean to be contradictory toward you,” Dr. Maria says. “Their friends start to have more influence on them. Their brains are still developing and the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and impulse control, won’t be fully formed until they’re around age 25.”

Her advice is to steer your child toward a good group of friends with similar values. That, and avoid too much time spent in toxic online spaces.

“Talk to them about what they might be exposed to – through gaming and socializing with people online,” Dr. Maria says. “Many teens feel immune to online risks, but the reality is they need to be aware of the possibilities.”

While emotional and physical changes are part of the journey, having trusted adults outside the home can make a big difference.

An invaluable yet sometimes overlooked resource for teens is their primary care clinician. If a teen isn’t comfortable talking to their parents about certain topics, clinicians offer a confidential space without fear or judgment.

“It’s important that teens go to the doctor and any concerns are addressed there,” Dr. Maria says. “Sexual health, mental health and anxiety are all common concerns teens can discuss, with or without their parent’s involvement.”

By law, clinicians are not allowed to share their child’s concerns unless the child gives permission, or there is potential harm to the child.

When kids are young, parents are almost solely responsible for providing structure to their lives. Dr. Maria says structure is still important to teens, and parents will have better luck if they get their teen’s buy-in first.

“For important things like diet, physical activity and sleep schedules, teens still need guidance in creating structure,” Dr. Maria says. “It’s your child’s job to push boundaries, but at the same time taking good care of themselves will help regulate their mood and keep them healthy. Flexibility is key.”

Your child’s school will most likely offer ways to help your child make the transition, including:

• Take a tour: A lot of anxiety comes from the unknown, so by making the new school as familiar as possible, kids can start to feel a little less stress. Take advantage of open houses and tours.
• Work with the school: Attend orientation activities, pair up with an older student as a buddy or work with a counselor.  

At home, you can plan a dry run. Before the first day of school, set an alarm to wake up and get to school on time. On the first day they’ll have an idea of what their morning will look like.

After a long day facing academic pressures, peer pressure and the pressure of their own big emotions, teens need a safe place to land.

“Keep home as a place to recharge,” Dr. Maria says. “A calm and steady home can be more powerful than any advice you can give your child.”

Dr. Maria also emphasizes the long-term goal is to help your teen learn to navigate change with confidence.

“Middle and high school are not only about the grades,” she says. “It’s about navigating change, and knowing they’ll be OK. With the right support, your teen can turn these challenges into lifelong strengths.”

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